I'm so exhausted from everything that's gone wrong for me.
I'll never be okay with how things are.
I'm so sick of trying my fucking hardest to be okay, just to have things get even worse.
I can't pretend to be okay anymore. I just can't do it.
- Current Mood: done
SANG IT GURRRL! (she's 2)
i just got this email from him
We sure do love you...
As much as we hurt with you when you're hurting, we're glad you feel free to call and tell us what you're going through. Nobody loves you like we do!!! (Well, Somebody does, but you know what I mean!)
Thoughts in no particular order: We're glad you're coming home this weekend, even if we'll only get to see you for a little while.
Tina says "Hi" and would like to see you sometime.
I hope we can work something out for the holidays, at least for Christmas time (the date itself doesn't mean much to me, but I understand if it does to you.)
We hope you get a lot of enjoyment and satisfaction from your new job. I want to hear all about it.
When you call and would rather talk to Mom than me, I understand--so would I! It won't hurt my feelings if you ask to talk to her. She's my favorite listener, too.
Carlo got neutered yesterday (I told you these thoughts were in no particular order...though I'll bet that's number one on his list!)
I STILL regret those times I shouted at you. I'm really grateful that you forgave me.
I wish I could hug you for 73 minutes! that's my favorite part :D
Tasha's getting a pointed head (her old-dog muscles are shrinking, and more bone is "showing"). Bless her pointy little head...
We respect your right to make the choices we think are best for you. (Don't scratch your head too hard--you might draw blood!)
If there's some kind of "care package" we can get together for you to help you feel a little more connected to home, tell us what to put in it and we'll get started...
We're proud of you for wanting to work through your problems. If you can do that out there, great. If you choose to do it here (or at least nearby!), that would also be great.
I bought a new el-cheapo-but-coolo guitar. So there's that...
We miss you very much. Call anytime. Chances are we were just thinking of you!
Love, kisses, hugs, prayers, noogies, zerberts, etc.,
I have THE BIGGEST smile right now. I missed smiling.
- Current Mood: happy
The ancient Masters were profound and subtle.
Their wisdom was unfathomable.
There is no way to describe it;
all we can describe is their appearance.
They were careful
as someone crossing an iced-over stream.
Alert as a warrior in enemy territory.
Courteous as a guest.
Fluid as melting ice.
Shapable as a block of wood.
Receptive as a valley.
Clear as a glass of water.
Do you have the patience to wait
til your mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving
til the right action arises by itself?
The Master doesn't seek fulfillment.
Not seeking, not expecting,
she is present, and can welcome all things.
Empty your mind of all thoughts.
Let your heart be at peace.
Watch the turmoil of beings,
but contemplate their return.
Each separate being in the universe
returns to the common source.
Returning to the source is serenity.
If you don't realize the source,
you stumble in confusion and sorrow.
When you realize where you come from,
you naturally become tolerant,
kindhearted as a grandmother,
dignified as a king.
Immersed in the wonder of the tao
you can deal with whatever life brings you,
and when death comes, you are ready.
From the Desiderata of Happiness
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Strive to be happy.
There's too much for me to deal with anymore. I can't fucking take it.