1. Age at next birthday:


2. A place you'd like to travel:


3. Your favorite place:


4. Your favorite objects:


5. Your favorite foods:


6. Your favorite animal:


7. Your favorite color:


8. Town where you were born:


9. Town where you live:


10. Name of a past pet:


11. First name of a past love:


12. Best friend's nickname:

apparently, that's an l-bug....

13. Your screen/nickname:


14. Your first name:


15. Your middle name:


16. Your last name:


17. Bad habit of yours:


18. First job:


19. Grandmother's names:



20. College major:

that's marketing btw...not sex.

So I spent an hour and a half talking to my mom trying to convince her to get me a tattoo for christmas. It was really frustrating. At first I really wanted my birdcage tattoo next, but I've decided I really want the little prince tattoo first. It has so much more meaning to me right now in my life. I tried to explain exactly what it means to me and exactly why I want it now. She seems to think that my desire to have it now means that it's an impulse thing, and if I really wanted it, I would work toward saving money to pay for it myself, but that's not the case.
If they don't get it for me, I will eventually get it myself, when I can afford it. The thing is, getting it right now would be a HUGE step in helping me get over Ian and everything he's done to me over the past 2 months.
Reading the book has always been a way of me dealing with stress. The way I interpret it, is that people often let the little unimportant things that really don't matter build up and become more important than they are. You should really just focus on the things that are actually important.
I know that in the long run, it doesn't matter that Ian spent the weekend with a girl that I really really dislike. It doesn't matter that he wants her and not me. As hard as it is for me right now to deal with; as uncomfortable as it makes me right now, it doesn't matter.
I can say out loud as much as I want that I need to accept what's going on, and I need to let go. I feel like getting the tattoo would be a huge step in letting go of this.
I was even crying as I was explaining all of this to her. Not because I was sad, but because it means so much to me. And she didn't get it. She just keeps saying "it's permanent." Yeah. I know it's permanent, that's part of the point. That's not a negative at all.
I just don't get it. It's upsetting that she doesn't see how much it means to me.
I don't know if any of you actually read that. I kinda rambled a lot, but yeah. There's that.

Also, I really think I need help.
I wish I had the money to see a therapist. I think that would help me so much right now, but I just can't afford that. Last night on my drive home, I had nothing but my thoughts, and that turned out to be a bad bad thing. I just started freaking out about everything, and I felt so low. I had to pull over for a long time, because I just wanted to slam my car into the guard rail. I don't know how to deal with any of this, because I've always been a generally happy person.

I don't know what the point of all of this is. I guess it just feels cathartic to "talk it out"

so there's that.